What was the biggest choice you made in 2011? What caused you to choose what you chose?
I’ve sat on this prompt for days, now, sure that if I wracked my brain enough, I could come up with the perfect, most profound and jarring answer to this question.
Of course, if I’d made a decision that mind-blowingly huge, I probably wouldn’t have needed to wrack my brain to uncover it.
Every year is made up of a million small decisions. Sometimes, they’re difficult. Sometimes, they’re life-changing. Sometimes, they’re the difference between eating strawberries for breakfast or oatmeal. Or wearing a brown shirt or a black shirt. This year, most of my choices bordered on the latter two types.
Some choices lobbed my way:
- Take the shiny, new, potentially awesome job? Or stay in the soul-sucking, dead-end position that gave me ulcers and made me sick every Sunday night and turned my own home into a cesspool of despair because it had become my office? Decision: Take the shiny, new, actually awesome job. Why did I choose this? Self-preservation. Logic. Fear. The fact that my at-the-time-fiance probably would have broken up with me — and my friends would have stopped talking to me — if I’d passed up this opportunity.
- Remain aloof but polite to a former BFF I’d grown apart from over the past couple of years, or allow her to reopen that door and have a probably awkward coffee date during which I tried to explain why we weren’t really buddies anymore? Decision: Avoidance. To be fair, I thought this was a chickenshit decision. But after talking with every “advisor” type person in my life, I realized I get to choose my friends. And if we’re not friends anymore, it’s OK to keep it that way.
I also chose to:
- Start exercising more
- Take a good look at what I’m actually eating (mind you, this was a decision — not necessarily something I always act upon!)
- Stop worrying QUITESOMUCH — not complete, that might be impossible — but in cases like, oh, if I think a coworker is slinging crap about me behind my back, and I start to obsess over whether that means I’m a terrible employee after all. Today, I choose to ignore it. If I’m a terrible employee, odds are, somebody will directly talk to me about it — and it probably won’t be the crap-slinger.
- Treat my husband like a team member, not like an enemy. Oddly, since actually getting married, I find myself treating him with a bit more kindness. Maybe it’s the sense of ease that comes with the commitment of marriage. Maybe it’s just because I’m not in the throes of insane wedding planning any longer. Or maybe my medication is just hitting that sweet spot. Whatever it is, I think we’re both grateful.
What was your biggest decision this year?
Today’s prompt is brought to you by Melissa of 53 Blonde. Check out her blog!
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