Bachelorette: Final Days as a Single Ladyfingers

Have I mentioned how amazingly wonderfully generous and hysterical my bridesmaids are? Perhaps in my shower post I may have alluded to it. But they totally nailed it with this whole bachelorette weekend.

I had a few parameters: Nothing crazy like drinkin’ or clubbin’ (which none of us do anyway), no male strippers, beach-centric, and penile paraphernalia. Hey — when else in your life is it appropriate to walk down the street adorned in male genitalia? Never, so let’s get that stuff started up. Side story: When I revealed this choice, two bridesmaids were horrified, and my maid of honor was totally stoked. We were hanging with a friend who had gotten married this past spring, and she told me she thought maybe we should have switched bridesmaids. She was staunchly against that stuff, but her bridesmaids were decidedly not. In fact, they had hired a midget who makes his living dressed as a… well, you know. To walk around with them all night. She got wind of it and called him off but… maybe I’m juvenile, I just found that hilarious.

Back to the bachelorette weekend. MOH Ginger texted me a couple of days before the weekend was to begin and told me that she’d pick me up at 1 on Saturday and I should pack a bag that included a bathing suit, something comfortable, a dress I felt sexy in, and something to sleep in. This is my kinda party, clearly.

MOH picked me up…

As Mr. Ladyfingers wished me farewell.

Ginger drove around downtown a bit to confuse me, then started heading out toward the beach. After about 45 minutes, we ended up at… City Hall! Wait, what? Ah – we’re just doing a vehicle transfer. Apparently we only had a couple of spaces available to us at our final destination… The Alden Beach Resort!

After a leisurely lunch (and maybe a nap), we got ready for dinner while reading trashy tabloid magazines. I now know more about Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher’s marriage than I ever thought possible.

Dinner was at the pretty awesome Middle Grounds Grill.

Oh yeah, and they gave me a bride hat that looked so much like a real hat that I think people thought I was either crazy or British.

Now, let me tell you about our waitress. Without turning this into one of those “you had to be there” kinda things, she was an overexplainer. As in, “Our salad comes with lettuce, and tomatoes, and cucumbers, and your choice of dressing, and it’s on a plate, and we give you a fork to eat it in. Our bread comes in a basket. Our coffee is hot and roasted from beans, and comes with creamer.” Like, we intimately know about almost every menu item at this place now. Nobody really said anything, but then at one point, I muttered that we were going to have some stuff to make fun of once we got in the car.

And then, all of a sudden, it was like being at a funeral and finding something inappropriately funny. She came over to explain dessert to us — like, EXPLAAAAIN desert to us — and now that the cat was out of the bag at the table, I could not. Keep. It. In.

BM Spotty didn’t intend to get said waitress in this shot, but it accidentally worked out beautifully. The place was delicious, but I might not be able to go back there again.

We randomly drove around and drank way too much coffee. My body was vibrating. We drove through a crowd of hipsters lined up to see Rocky Horror Picture Show, and blared Ricky Martin. Did I mention we weren’t drinking? That in and of itself is scary.

When we got back to the hotel, the real games began. (Potentially NSFW pictures to follow)

BM Preggo brought cupcakes, and the candles were sorta obscene. Then I drew a picture of Mr. Ladyfingers, and they asked me a series of questions they had also asked him. I was correct in anticipating his responses for 8 out of 15 questions – not “half” bad! (Wah waaaaah.)

Ryan Gosling came to the party.

And then there’s some stuff cropped out of this. Let’s just say we played pin-the-something on Ryan Gosling.

It was like a slumber party. We were ridiculous and immature and random. My work buddy plied me for details, and seemed pretty disappointed in what I told her, but it was the best bachelorette weekend I could have ever asked for. Hanging out with the coolest friends in the world, acting like 14-year-olds, eating way too much sugar and drinking way too much Diet Coke and coffee. Practically perfect in every way.

What are you most looking forward to at your bachelorette party? And what’s your stance on the typical “bachelorette” favors, if you catch my drift?


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: