I have this issue where I always have my head in the future. There’s a saying I love which is, if you have one foot in the yesterday and one foot in tomorrow, you’re bound to be pissing in today (sorry for the unladylike language). And that’s always what I end up doing: Pissing on today because I’m so busy turning the past over in my head and making plans for the future that’s not even here yet. With me so far?
It happened when Mr. Ladyfingers and I were dating and living separately. All I could think about was living together, to the point that I had to nearly restrain myself from bringing up the idea before it was necessary. It happened when we moved in together before we got engaged. All I could think about was being engaged, planning a wedding, all that jazz. And now it’s happening while we’re engaged and before we’re married. It’s not just that I have my head in the wedding and OMG when will it get here 30-something days feels like FUREVAHHH. It’s, “After we wedding we should start putting aside the same amount of money we are currently for the wedding for a downpayment on a house, the houses in our neighborhood are $100,000 so if we stay on track we should have 15% of that by the spring of 2013 which is perfect because if we renew our rental once more, our lease will again expire in May 2013, and then once we buy our perfect house we can start trying to have babies, and during the pregnancy we can save up for my unpaid maternity leave, but wait is 33 too old to start trying and maybe we should start trying now, nobody’s ever really READY for a baby right?”
If that made you dizzy and uncomfy, then welcome to the club.
We have a joke around here that my head must be a scary place — lots of swordfights and cats covered in ketchup and people singing nursery rhymes in the corners with dunce caps on. In other words, a wasteland of bizarre and otherworldly nonsense. Considering that I have no filter, none, when it comes to the stuff floating around up there, it makes for some stupid crazy conversations. Like my three-year plan for saving, buying, and procreating. Another saying: If you want to make God laugh, make a plan. Right now, God is ROFL’ing.
I so yearn to keep my mind in the present, to focus on the task at hand, to enjoy what’s here before it’s gone. I’ve had all manner of advice in the past, and I try to apply it, but my mind just keeps traveling ahead of me, painting pictures of my family and our babies and our home and our next careers and our trips and everything.
The fact of the matter is, not once in my life, not ONCE, have things worked out the way I thought they would, or even wanted them to. They’ve always always ALWAYS worked out better than I could ever imagine. If my life unfolded exactly to my plan, I would be short changing myself. I’ve made a vow to myself that there will be no more baby talk, no more “house browsing” online, and only a minimum of collecting nursery decoration and kids’ birthday party ideas on Pinterest — at least until after the wedding. We’ll see how well I can stick to that, but my intentions are pure, I’m telling you.
Has anybody else suffered from “future-itis”? How have you managed to keep your head in today and leave tomorrow to the professionals?