I’m So Vain, I Totally Think This Song Is About Me

Ever since we started planning The Wedding, I’ve found myself concerned with things I never imagined I’d be concerned with. For instance: makeup. Up until like 2 years ago, seriously, I was all about department store makeup. Only problem was, I had problem skin. So I finally made the move over to Bare Escentuals and lord, let me tell you what a difference that made. Recently, though, I’ve found myself heading to Sephora on like a weekly basis, trolling the aisles and picking up all sorts of illuminating primers and lip stains and mascaras – mascaras! I never wear mascara! And you want to know the craziest part? I’m having my makeup done. By a professional. I don’t even need this stuff! But for some reason, it makes me feel like a bride. And this is why I hate commercialism. Well, love/hate.

Then there are the things I feel I need to line up in the months ahead. We are at just over 5 months and counting (OK, let’s be precise here: 158 days [!]), and all of a sudden, I’m finding myself obsessed – I tell you, obsessed – over my appearance. This is not a very comfortable situation for me, as I typically think of myself as very un-vain.

The body

In January, I started working out. Like, for the first time ever. I started with Jillian Michaels’ “30-day Shred,” and then moved to “Banish Fat, Boost Metabolism.” I swear, I started seeing results right away! I had been eating terribly, with fast food 3+ times per week and sweets and salty stuff every day, all day. And I was totally sedentary. In February, I started doing P90X, and not only have I lost 12 pounds in the past five months, but my arms are more toned and I feel better. But still, I’m a huge slacker, and I haven’t mastered the art of actually working out 6 days a week. Plus I could still eat better. Boo.

The face

I have struggled with cystic acne – the large, allover stuff that causes permanent pockmarks – since I was 13. Accutane pretty much knocked it out of my system back then, but I had periodic and stubborn flareups up until about a year-and-a-half ago. For awhile, I was using Proactiv, and that helped tremendously, but then I stopped ordering it due to financial issues, and when I started it back up again, it did not work anymore! (I’ve heard this from others too, but have no idea why.) Finally, I went to a dermatologist, who put me on Differin gel at night and Clindamycin pledgets in the morning. When I stick to it, it totally and completely clears everything up – so happy! But I still have little red marks, uneven skin tone, and faint pockmarks. It’s not typically anything I worry about, but with the “all eyes on me” mentality, I’ve been stressing more than usual about it. I refuse to get my skin burned off or subject myself to anything scary, so I’m a little stuck. Also, Murad Skin Perfecting Lotion is amazing. Really. Try it. They don’t pay me a dime. I just lurve it.

The teeth

Yeah, I have yellow teeth – not full-on Austin Powers style, but less-than-celebrity-pearly-white style. This is from a combination of dental slacking for a period of years, being a crazystupid coffee drinker, and smoking for about a decade. I’ve been great on points 1 and 3 for some time now, but still need my caffeine. I tried whitening strips before our engagement photos, and dropped off the train after Day 2 – I AM THAT LAZY AND THAT BAD AT ROUTINE. That I couldn’t even get through 10 days of putting whitening strips on my teeth for 20 minutes a shot. Horrible. Now I’m attempting to test a whitening booster gel from the drugstore, but honestly, I’m not seeing much of a difference. A friend told me she sprays hydrogen peroxide on her toothbrush every time she brushes, but I’ve been reading fright-inducing cautions against swabbing your mouth with the acid. I’ve still got some time to experiment, but this is seriously keeping me up at night.

The nails

I’ve talked about these. These are a problem. I can’t stop mangling my nails and cuticles. Stop the insanity!

The hair

I’m totally going gray, ya’ll. I’ve nevereverinmylife colored my hair, as I’ve always been lucky enough to have a nice hair color that shades well in the sun and complements my skin tone. But now… they’re all over my temple, attempting to make me look like a crazy cat lady. I’m scared to color, but am considering perhaps some temporary dye.

Have any other brides to be stressed about the most minute details of their appearance? If so, what tips and tricks worked without having to spend an arm and a leg on whitening trays and microdermabrasion? Did you fail to reach your goals but still end up looking fabulous on the big day?

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2 thoughts on “I’m So Vain, I Totally Think This Song Is About Me

  1. […] may have mentioned that I’ve never been much of a makeup girl. There are two types, in my mind: Ones that can apply makeup, and ones that cannot. And since I […]

  2. […] written before about how vain I’ve become since planning a wedding, all in the name of looking my best on the wedding day. Lately, I’ve taken that in weird […]

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